All My Words

I’m only 23 years old. It is young, even though it can feel old at times. When I was in my early teens, I decided that the perfect time to start blogging would be my late thirties, or later. The reason was so that I would be able to share something tested and meaningful from real life experience. But the older I get, the more I realize: it’s all a journey and part of “arriving” is realizing you don’t know much and never will.

So here I am, ready to offer who I am, writing with all my words and what I have learned so far. The transition to adulthood has been characterized by much pain and loss and struggle, of one type or another. But I’m starting to accept these things as reality and move past them. It’s a process that I have wished was over many a time (and even now I wish for that)! It is a humbling process, but it sends me to the feet of Jesus and there’s nowhere else I would rather be! “The central message of Christ is that suffering and death bring resurrection and transformation” (Emotionally Healthy Spirituality). Embracing the hard, painful things that God leads me to and being thankful in the everyday trials are what I’m called to as a Christian.

I would love to be writing about this years from now, when I have learned these lessons fully. But that time will never come. There is always a new area that needs work; an area that requires me to wait and have faith and hope in Jesus. Living in the limbo of learning and being transformed must become my new normal. One thing I’m grateful for is that He isn’t done with me yet, though! He will eventually finish the good work He began in me and bring it to completion! This is what I have to share, with all my words, the words I’ve been given. This life has a lot of hard stuff in it and I do not intend to ever downplay that fact because God can use the struggle in incredible ways when we surrender to Him. But at the same time, I don’t want the hard seasons to determine how much I “give.” I want to keep pouring out through every age and every season. May you be encouraged to do the same! No matter where you are in life, you have something valuable to give to the people around you!

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Hosea

“For she did not know that I gave her grain, new wine, and oil, and multiplied her silver and gold– which they prepared for Baal.” (Hosea 2:8)

This portion of Scripture is talking about a harlot, a wife who is unfaithful. It is an analogy that represents God’s people, Israel, though. Even now, Christians are called the Bride of Christ. We belong to Him.

In chapters 2 and 3 of Hosea, the man’s wife only comes back to him when she can’t receive sustanainse from her lovers. It wasn’t clear to her that her husband was providing quite well for her, but rather she thought her lovers were. She used the bountiful gifts given to her by her husband to serve other men, foreign god’s, and her own self.

The analogy is pointing to God’s people serving other gods with what He has given them. Specifically, Baal was named here, but in our American culture, our gods could be success, busyness, or influence.

Because the woman did not recognize the gifts as from her husband and used them to serve the purposes of worshipping false gods, they were taken from her. (Hosea 2:9-11) All that she had received from her gods and her lovers will be taken from her. (Hosea 2:12-13) Then, when she has been brought low, her husband brings her out to the wilderness and comforts her, gives her gifts, and restores the love relationship. (Hosea 2:14-16)

I love this story! As God’s people, how often do we forget that everything we have is from Him and for Him?  Yet, in our forgetfulness and rebellion and focus on other things, God’s goal is to bring us back into a restored relationship with Him. That restoration involves spending time in the wilderness. Who really wants to go to a desolate place? But if it is a place where God comforts us and draws us back to Himself, maybe we shouldn’t be so scared of it.

13. Trust

I was a writer long before I started this blog. Fear also has been following me for many years, if not my whole life. Recently, I found a sheet of paper from years ago, on which I had been trying to work through my feelings. So here it is:

I have problems with trust. Whether it be a peer, that they are caring enough to get to know me; men, that their motives are pure; even a pool’s water, that it will catch me if I jump. Sillier than all of those, even the last one, is my distrust of God. In fact, all of those other trust problems are likely the result of this one. I mean, I cannot see God, or hear Him, unless you count the quiet nudging He leads me by to be hearing. Though I am told all the time about how God wants the best for me and how my life is most secure in His hands, it just doesn’t click. Giving control to someone else is hard, even when it’s God. Many a person has let me down, so it feels like I should just take care of it all- not trust anyone. I tend to apply me experiences with people to God. There are helpless times in my memory, when all that could be done was to leave whatever it was in God’s control (as if He didn’t already have it in His control), and hope that justice and good will would be done. As I recall, those were some of the most peaceful times; they were times when I was reminded that I was God’s dearly loved child. So why don’t I live in this realization, surrender, and freedom always? That is the question I’m asking myself right now. God, help me let go and trust!

Sometimes, going back and reading what I had written years ago, or even days ago, is exactly what I need to bring clarity and strength back to me. I hope that this little blurb is helpful to you as well!